If we review this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get in to regular examination routine.
Dear Diary..
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my father (the dear) purchased the week of personal precision during the internal illness bar for me. Although we am still in great figure given playing upon my tall school softball team, decided it would be the great idea to go ahead as good as give it the try.
I called the bar as good as done my reservations with the personal tutor I'll call Bruce, who identified himself as the twenty-six year old aerobics physical education instructor as good as model for jaunty clothing as good as float wear. My father seemed gratified with my enthusiasm to get started.
The bar encouraged me to keep the diary to chart my progress.
Monday:
Started my day during 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, though found it was good value it when we arrived during the illness bar to find Bruce watchful for me. He is something of the Greek God- with blond hair, dancing eyes as good as the dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Bruce gave me the tour as good as showed me the machines. He took my kick after five minutes upon the treadmill. He was alarmed which my kick was so fast, though we charge it to standing next to him
in his Lycra aerobic outfit.
I enjoyed watching the sublime approach in which he conducted his aerobics category after my examination today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as we did my sit-ups, although my gut was already painful from holding it in the total time he was around. This is going to be the FANTASTIC week!
Tuesday:
I drank the total pot of coffee, though we eventually done it out the door. Bruce done me lie upon my back as good as push the complicated iron bar in to the air-then he put weights upon it! My legs were the little wobbly upon the treadmill, though we done the full mile.
Bruce's rewarding grin done it all worthwhile.
I feel GREAT!! It's the total brand new hold up for me.
Wednesday:
The only approach we can brush my teeth is by laying upon the toothbrush upon the counter as good as moving my mouth back as good as forth over it. we hold we have the hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as prolonged as we didn't try to steer or stop. we parked upon tip of the GEO in the bar parking lot.
Bruce was impatient with me, insisting which my screams worried alternative bar members. His voice
is the little as well proud for early in the morning as good as when he scolds, he gets this nasally bemoan which is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when we got upon the treadmill, so Bruce put me upon the step monster. Why the hell would any one invent the machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete
by elevators?
Bruce told me it would help me get in figure as good as suffer life. He said some alternative sh*t too.
Thursday:
Bruce was watchful for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in the full snarl. we couldn't help being the half an hour late, it took me which prolonged to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, we ran as good as hid in the men's
room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me upon the rowing machine-which we sank.
Friday:
I hate which b*stard Bruce some-more than any human being has ever hated any alternative human being in the story of the world. Stupid, skinny, malnutritioned little cheerleader. If there was the part of my physique we could move without intolerable pain, we would kick him with it.
Bruce longed for me to work upon my triceps. we do not have any triceps! And if we do not wish dents in the floor, do not palm me the < @*%23$>&*@*#$ barbells or anything which weighs some-more than the sandwich. (Which we am sure we schooled in the sadist school we attended as good as graduated magna cum laude from.)
The treadmill flung me off as good as we landed upon the illness as good as nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have be someone softer, similar to the play coach or the church band director?
Saturday:
Bruce left the message upon my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering because we did not uncover up today. Just hearing him done me wish to smash the machine with my planner. However, we lacked the trength to even use the TV remote as good as ended up throwing eleven true hours of the *$@#&& Weather Channel.
Sunday:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so we can go as good as thank GOD which this week is over. we will also pray which next year my father (the A**HOLE) will select the gift for me which is fun-like the base waterway or the hysterectomy.
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