Funny jokes-Accountant's daughter

The accountant had only read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The small girl was fascinated by the story, generally the partial where the pumpkin turns in to the golden coach. Suddenly she piped up,
"Daddy, when the pumpkin turned in to the golden coach, would which be classed as income or the long-term collateral gain?"

Short jokes-Hamburger and Hot dog

Can the hamburger wed the hot dog?

Only if they have the really frank relationship!

Really funny jokes-Extremely drunk

A fellow decides to take off early from work as well as go drinking. He stays until a bar closes during three in a morning, during which time he is extremely drunk. After withdrawal a bar, he returns home upon foot. When he enters his house, he doesn't wish to arise anyone, so he takes off his shoes as well as starts tip-toeing up a stairs. Half-way up a steps though, he falls over backwards as well as lands flat upon his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except which he had integrate of dull pint bottles in his at a behind of pockets, as well as they broke; a damaged glass carved up his at a behind of terribly. Yet, he was so dipsomaniac which he didn't know he was hurt. A integrate of minutes later, as he was undressing, he beheld blood, so he checked himself out in a mirror, and, certain enough, his at a behind of was cut up terribly. He afterwards remade a repairs as best he could underneath a circumstances, as well as he went to bed. The subsequent morn ing, his head was hurting, his at a behind of was hurting, as well as he was hunkering underneath a covers trying to consider up a little good story, when his wife came into a bedroom.

"Well, we really scored equally a single upon final night," she said. "Where'd we go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and we stopped off for a integrate of beers."

"A integrate of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got intoxicated final night. Where did we go?"

"What makes we so certain we got dipsomaniac final night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big idea was when we got up this morning as well as found a garland of band-aids stuck to a mirror."

Obama jokes-New slogan

Q, Whats Obama's new slogan in these difficult times?

A. Spare Change You Can Believe In!

Hilarious jokes-Reward for extinguishing fire

A glow starts inside a chemical plant as well as a alarm goes out to glow departments miles around. After crews have been fighting a glow for over an hour, a chemical association boss approached a glow arch as well as said, "All of a tip formulas have been in a vault in a core of a plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to a engine association which brings them out safely!"

The crews try, though no one can get through. Then an additional glow truck, filled with a volunteer glow association of organisation over 65, comes roaring down a road as well as drives true in to a center of a inferno. The other organisation watch unbelieving as a aged timers bound off of their supply as well as heroically do away with a fire, saving a tip formulas.

The association boss walks over to prerogative a volunteers. "What do you guys devise to do with a money?" a boss asks a group.

The firetruck motorist looks him right in a eye as well as answers, "Well, a first thing we're starting to do is fix a f*cking brakes on which truck."

Really funny jokes-Good Samaritan

A great Samaritan was walking home late the single night when he came upon this dipsomaniac upon the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the dipsomaniac "do we live here?"
"Yep".
"Would we like me to assistance we upstairs?"
"Yep".
When they got up upon the second floor, the great person asked "Is this your floor?"
"Yep".
Then the great samaritan got to thinking which maybe he didn't wish to face the man's irate as well as tired mother because she may consider he was the a single who got the man drunk. So, he non-stop the first doorway he came to as well as shoved him through it then went behind downstairs. However, when he went behind outside, there was an additional drunk. So he asked which dipsomaniac "Do we live here?"
"Yep".
"Would we like me to assistance we upstairs?"
"Yep".
So he did as well as put him in the same doorway with the first drunk. Then went behind downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was an additional drunk. So he proposed over to him. But before he got to him, the dipsomaniac staggered over to the policeman as well as cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night prolonged but receiving me the upper story as well as throwing me down the elevator shaft!"

One line jokes--History

My teacher reminds me of history She's always repeating herself !

Really funny jokes-Good Samaritan

A good Samaritan was upon foot home late a single night when he came upon this dipsomaniac upon a sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked a dipsomaniac "do we live here?"
"Yep".
"Would we similar to me to help we upstairs?"
"Yep".
When they got up upon a second floor, a good chairman asked "Is this your floor?"
"Yep".
Then a good samaritan got to meditative which may be he didn't wish to face a man's raging as well as tired wife because she may consider he was a a single who got a man drunk. So, he non-stop a initial door he came to as well as shoved him by it then went behind downstairs. However, when he went behind outside, there was another drunk. So he asked which dipsomaniac "Do we live here?"
"Yep".
"Would we similar to me to help we upstairs?"
"Yep".
So he did as well as put him in a same door with a initial drunk. Then went behind downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But prior to he got to him, a dipsomaniac staggered over to a policeman as well as cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He's been you do zero all night prolonged though taking me a upper story as well as throwing me down a conveyor shaft!"

Blonde jokes-Horrific car accident

A blonde had only totaled her automobile in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to examine herself from a disadvantage without a blemish as well as was requesting uninformed lipstick when a state guard arrived.

"My God!" a guard gasped. "Your automobile looks like an accordion which was stomped upon by an elephant. Are we OK ma'am?"

"Yes officer, I'm only fine!" a blonde chirped.

"Well, how in a world did this happen?" a military military officer asked as he surveyed a wrecked car.

"Officer, it was a strangest thing!" a blonde began. "I was pushing along this highway when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So we swerved to a right, as well as there was an additional tree! we swerved to a left as well as there was ANOTHER tree! we swerved to a right as well as there was an additional tree! we swerved to a left as well as there was ..."

"Uh, ma'am", a military military officer said, slicing her off. "There isn't a tree upon this highway for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back as well as forth".

Good jokes-History repeats itself

Why does story keep repeating itself ?

Because we weren't listening a initial time !

Really funny jokes-Fight and lose weight

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to plead their home lives, a single said,"Seems similar to all Alfred as well as I do anymore is fight. I've been so dissapoint I've lost twenty pounds."

"Why don't you only leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the initial replied, "I'd similar to to remove during least an additional fifteen pounds first."

Funny jokes-Parking lots

Two ladies have been in a club as well as a first woman says, "Why have been men a same as parking lots".

So a second woman says "I do not know?"

So a first woman says, " all a good ones have been taken as well as a ones that have been left have been handicap!"

Short funny jokes-Tennis stars

Name dual tennis stars who have been famous in a hamburger world?

Bjorn Borger and Billie Jean-o's Burger King!

Animal jokes-Trained the human

One lab rodent to another: I've lerned which funny tellurian during last.

How have you finished that?

I do not know how, though each time we run through which obstruction and ring a bell, he gives me a square of cheese.

Really funny jokes-Golden wedding anniversary

An aged rancher as well as his wife were leaning against a edge of their pig-pen when a old woman wistfully removed which a subsequent week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The rancher scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he eventually answered, "I don't see because a pig should take a blame for something which happened fifty years ago."

Thanksgiving jokes-Baseballs

Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"

Student: "Baseballs."

Teacher: "Baseballs?"

Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

Economy jokes-Funny money

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending marketplace in America as well as the run upon Northern Rock as well as collapse of the Bradford as well as Bingley in the UK it is transparent which the doubt has right away strike Japan as well as Ireland.

In the final 7 days Origami Bank has folded; Sumo Bank has gone swell up, as well as Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced which Karaoke Bank is up for sale as well as will expected go for the song whilst today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering upon following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken the hit, but they sojourn in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the clout as well as analysts inform which there is something fishy going upon at Sushi Bank where it is feared which staff might get the raw deal.

Celebrity jokes-Not interested in education

Q: Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A: She pronounced that she was not interested in guidance about anything that was so yesterday.

Funny jokes-Moose from Canada

A Scotsman paying his first revisit to a zoo stopped by a single of a cages "An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked a keeper.

"That's a moose from Canada", came a reply.

"A moose !!", exclaimed a Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if that's a moose then they contingency ha' rats a distance of elephants over there !"

Really funny jokes-Cat coming in the door

A dipsomaniac is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to a barman which he is sober. He gestures toward a cat nearby a pathway and says, "You see which cat entrance in a door? It has dual eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!"

The barkeeper looks, afterwards pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", receiving a rest of a ethanol away, "That cat isn't entrance in, it's starting out!"

Clean jokes-Baby monster

Why did the baby beast put his father in the freezer?

Because he wanted solidified pop.

Hilarious jokes-Ethics

The managing partner in an accounting organisation is really annoyed with a single of his youth partners and has called him in to chastise him. "How could we presumably suggest the customer in the approach we did? That was completely unethical. We are regularly unwavering of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don't you?"

The young partner is offended. "Of march I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England."

Good jokes-Politician and truth

What do we call a politician who swears to tell a truth?

A liar.

Short funny jokes-Ant who like to be alone

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ?

An independant !

Funny jokes-Tap dancing duck

A playground owners walked into a club to see everyone crowded about a list examination a small show. On a list was an upside down pot as well as a steep daub dancing upon it. The playground owners was so impressed which he offered to buy a steep from its owner.

After some wheeling as well as dealing, they settled for $10,000 for a steep as well as a pot. Three days after a playground owners runs behind to a club in anger, "Your steep is a ripoff! we put him upon a pot before a whole audience, as well as he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked a ducks former owner, "did we remember to light a candle underneath a pot?"