Really funny jokes-Christmas letter from Barbie to Santa

Dear Santa (From Barbie)

Dear Santa:

Listen we fat little troll, I've been assisting we out each year, personification during being the perfect Yuletide present, wearing petty showering suits in frigid weather, as well as drowning in feign tea from the single as well most tea parties, as well as we hatred to mangle it to ya Santa, though IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!

There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for the nationwide meltdown (and trust me, we won't wanna be around to smell it).

So, here's my holiday instruct list, Santa:

1. A nice, comfy span of sweat pants as well as the frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of seeking similar to the hooker. How most not as big have been these showering suits gonna get? Do we have any thought what it feels similar to to have nylon as well as Velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear which can be pulled on as well as off. Preferably white. What bonehead during Mattel decided to poor out as well as MOLD fabrication underwear to my skin? (It looks similar to cellulite);

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over which wimped-out forgive for the boyfriend Ken. And what's with which earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, during slightest make him (and me) anatomically correct;

4. Arms which actually bend so we can pull the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct;

5. Breast rebate surgery. we do not care whose arm we have to twist, only get it done;

6. A sports bra. To wear until we get the surgery.

7. A brand brand new career. Pet alloy as well as school teacher only do not cut it. How about the systems analyst? Or better yet, an promotion comment exec or even the hooker....for goodness sake!

8. A new, more '2008 persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with the tiny container of chocolate chip cookie mix ice cream as well as the bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with the feign hair coat as well as handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting the removable Nicotrol patch as well as versed with several packs of gum;

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The douse is wrecking my vinyl;

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 42 years--I consider we merit it; Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, we do not consider these requests have been out of line. If we disagree, afterwards we can find yourself the brand brand new bimbo doll for subsequent Christmas. It's which simple.

Up yours truly,
Barbie